Welcome to The Morning Dump, bite-sized stories corralled into a single article for your morning perusal. If your morning coffee’s working a little too well, pull up a throne and have a gander at the best of the rest of yesterday.
It’s Official, The Tesla Cybertruck Won’t Have Door Handles
Other news from the Cyber Rodeo? Musk has promised a futuristic-looking ‘dedicated robotaxi,’ although no timeline was given for this product. That’s probably a smart move, given that Musk has a long history of over-promising on delivery times. Speaking of timelines, Tesla’s robot now has a name and a possible production date. Dubbed Optimus, Musk claims that the humanoid “will do everything humans don’t want to do,” and that it could enter production “hopefully next year.” In addition to Cybertruck production, a full North American rollout of Tesla’s “Full Self Driving” assistance system and promises of Tesla Semi and Roadster production are on the table for 2023. Whether this deadline is actually met remains to be seen, but I’m really hoping production happens next year. Customers plunked down a lot of money for the Roadster, so it would be nice to see product in their hands. As for the Cybertruck, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it should make the roads a little less boring.
The New Civic Type R Turns Up The Wick
A pre-production version of the next Civic Type R just lapped Suzuka in 2:23.12, 0.873 of a second faster than the special, stripped-out, Michelin Cup 2-shod Civic Type R Limited Edition from 2021. As Suzuka’s Grand Prix circuit is 3.609 miles (5.807 km) long, that gives the new Type R an average speed of 90.779 MPH (146.095 km/h), 0.55 MPH (0.885 km/h) faster than the old Limited Edition car. Useful stuff for say, the Nürburgring Nordschleife. While Honda hasn’t explicitly stated that it’d take a swipe at the Renault Mégane R.S. Trophy-R’s front-wheel-drive lap record, I’m sure the company is champing at the bit.
Kia Facelifts The Telluride
Let’s start with the exterior shot, where the big news is in the daytime running lights. The signature rectangular amber DRLs are gone, replaced with two vertical lines on each headlamp. While the black-and-white teaser shot doesn’t reveal if the new DRLs are white or amber, I’d be extremely sad to see the amber go. It’s just such a distinctive styling touch. Also visible are new raised roof rails, although it’s hard to say whether or not those are exclusive to the new X-Pro trim level Kia’s announced. It’s not surprising to see Kia chasing the bearded-up outdoorsy look with a special trim level, but it seems at odds with the Telluride’s ethos. Part of the big crossover’s appeal is its elegance, although I suppose if the market demands the option of a rugged appearance, the market can have it. The front fascia also appears to be reworked, better integrating the center grille with the lower one. On the inside, the revised Telluride gains exactly what it’s needed – bigger screens. Moving from a single infotainment screen with a semi-analog gauge cluster to a single-frame binnacle with a digital cluster should give the Telluride some new tricks, like the blind-spot camera display function from the Hyundai Palisade. Otherwise, the interior still looks largely the same as the outgoing car. Physical knobs for climate controls are maintained, the funky console grab-handles with integrated heated seat controls are still there, and the confident four-spoke steering wheel seems untouched. Hopefully a volume knob is hiding in the pitch black of the teaser because capacitive-touch fuckery is absolutely a no-go when it comes to dashboard volume controls. The refreshed Telluride is set to debut at the New York Auto Show, so expect more details next week.
Volvos Are Still As Safe As Bubble-Wrap Suits
It really shouldn’t be a surprise that Volvo’s Scalable Product Architecture is holding up well some eight years after its debut. Check out this small overlap crash test of the old P2-platform XC90, a vehicle that saw few significant body changes since it debuted in 2002. What’s Swedish for ‘rock-solid’? Lead photo credit: Courtesy of Tesla, Inc. Where is the Cybertruck going to store the shot put that Elon used to break the window so we can get in? I just expect the failure rate of the door opening mechanism to be high enough that owners will routinely be locked out of their vehicles for weeks at a time due to Tesla’s apparently continued inability to manufacturer enough parts to actually service customer vehicles. Is the truck smart enough to know my approach direction? Will it know when I’ve cleared the door if I’m going from the front, so it doesn’t smash a door edge into my crotch as I’m squeezing past in a tight spot? Do I have to get my phone to a certain state for it to know I want into the truck and aren’t just walking past it in my garage? All of this sounds like a detriment, not a feature. This truck will know when you want to get in. If the door opens when you didn’t want it to, just get in… the truck must have a reason. We’ll be here 5 years from now and it’ll still be one year away. Also missing: The rest of the truck. This is like the half steering wheel. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. —————- So it’s going to spend personal time with Elon Musk? Making safe cars so they can kill with their drop-dead gorgeous styling. I recently purchased a S60 Recharge and loving every minute of it. Averaging around 140 mpg and got 400hp when I want to have some fun. I work out of my home, but I do have an office to go to when I need/want to. That commute is six miles in the opposite direction of everyone else. Except when I have to visit a client site, then it varies on where I go and the route I take. No talk radio, though. Gotta be music, and for me, gotta be full albums. This morning it was Love And Rockets’s 1986 masterpiece “Express,” yesterday was G. Love and Special Sauce’s debut album, earlier in the week it was Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers – “No More Beautiful World.” On the way home today I’m thinking it will be Thomas Dolby’s “Aliens Ate My Buick.” Thankfully it still looks like it is going to be tastefully designed unlike it’s ugly sister from Hyundai.
